Prequel

If you have read many of the works of C.S. Lewis, you might know that he believed one of the reasons for our existence on earth was to become more like Jesus, more real. We are to become what we were initially created for. To do this, we have to essentially grow souls that can handle proximity to a holy God. Soul-Building is also one facet of the Christian response to the problem of evil. In itself, Soul-Building is an unsatisfactory answer to the question "how can evil exist in the same reality as an all-powerful and all-benevolent God?" However, the idea that as human beings we are allowed to expose ourselves to the horror of sin and its effects in order that we might overcome it in eternity appeals to my intuition.

In Lewis' The Great Divorce he describes people becoming less and less able to inhabit the very physical and real place of heaven. We see their transformation in an instant, but the truth is that their souls were shaped over a lifetime of decision making. I've been searching my own soul lately and come up with a few sad observations. In general, I waste my time. I manage to get done the things that need getting done, but in a rushed and often haphazard way. Instead of focusing on excellence in work I find myself distracted by games, hobbies, news and anything else that seems more interesting than the task at hand. Worse than this realization is the fact that it doesn't destroy me. I am a campus minister by vocation, meaning my full-time job is doing ministry with college students. Every moment is important and I find ways to let them slip away. Knowing that I'm using my time poorly and not chasing after God ought to hurt me, but mostly I feel a vague sense of guilt. Lastly, (not that this is the last of my flaws, but it is the last one I will highlight for the purposes of this post) I'm the most selfish person I know. Not only do I rarely think of others, I rarely think of thinking of others. I can occasionally be romantic or courteous with my wife, but in general I find the solar system has rearranged itself around wherever I happen to be at the moment. Disgusting. So after spending a few months in a spiritual funk, awakening to the fact that I am lazy, apathetic and selfish and realizing that I don't want to repent, I've decided that I want to want to repent. I want to build a better soul. Theologically, I know that the REAL transaction will be God using the Holy Spirit to build a sturdy soul inside of me. I also know however, that my decisions play a huge role in the process; to the point that (I believe, for now anyways) I have the power do derail the entire thing, an option I don't want to consider.

To that end, I'm going to try to learn how to build a soul (or at least, how to invite God to build a soul inside of me). A short disclaimer: I know that I already have a soul, I'm not under the impression that my body is a hollow shell and I need to fill it with spirit. What I mean by building a soul is letting myself be transformed from a person who is rebellious into a person who desires the things of God without prompting. So, every time I find something helpful (or hurtful) in this process, I'll try to make a post. I hope first and foremost that this helps me, and if it does, there is a great chance it might help others as well.