Step One*:Stop Lying

*Instead of taking much time thinking of clever titles for each post I'm going to label them as steps, in keeping with the "build-it-yourself" theme. I don't think though, that there will be any significance to the sequencing. Step one will probably not be more important than or even logically precede step ten. "Why then, don't you just think of clever titles!?" the pragmatist yells. To which I have no response.

Step one: Stop lying.

Recently a good friend and I decided to take up reading Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov. (I want the world to know that I spelled the book title correctly and only added one letter to the author's name without consulting any sources!). Eventually I'll devote an entire post to reading good novels, but for now I'll focus on the lesson I'm learning reading the present one. Early in the book several of the principle characters visit a very prestigious monk. This man is said to be able to look a person in the eye and know their sins. He gives this advice to the alcoholic, sex-addicted father of the brothers for whom the book is named:

The main thing is that you stop telling lies to yourself. The one who lies to himself and believes his own lies comes to a point where he can distinguish no truth either within himself or around him, and thus enters into a state of disrespect towards himself and others. Respecting no one, he loves no one, and to amuse and divert himself in the absence of love he gives himself up to his passions and to vulgar delights and becomes a complete animal in his vices, and all of it from perpetual lying to other people and himself.

I swept over the passage upon first reading, mulling it over for only a moment before following the action down the page. Later I realized just how pertinent those words are to my current task of soul building. The types of lies I tell myself surely set me off course every day. There are some lies about my activities: getting distracted during the workday with hobbies like sports or games isn't a big deal, looking at a woman on the road or at a restaurant for a second too long is only natural for guys and so on. These untruths help establish bad habits which eventually lead to the character traits of laziness and lust. I tell myself bigger lies as well, the kind that don't just set my day off course but can threaten to wreck my life: I'm not good enough to do well at anything, so don't put in too much effort. This distances me from the shame of failure. God can wait, other things are more urgent. This lie has led me deep into spiritual apathy. The line about giving oneself up to pleasures in the absence of love struck a resounding chord as I often find myself looking for a quick distraction.

The antidote to the lies is truth; already within me as a Christian in the form of the Holy Spirit. Often when I find myself looking untruth in the face, there is no question about which way is right. The Spirit lets me know immediately which path is narrow and leads to life. My rebellious desires spring up and I invent lies, or dust off old lies that Satan has turned into conventional wisdom. Then I combat the truth inside of me and silence it. As my soul gets stronger I hope to learn to identify these situations as they happen and, knowing the truth already, let the Spirit take over rather than drown Him out with justification. Another weapon against my self-made lies is bringing my thought life before God. Especially little day to day things. Having the courage to ask God when your mind whispers "how can THIS be a big deal?" will change you inside and out. Ultimately, I want to be a person who loves the truth; there isn't much chance to become one if I'm busy telling lies.