Step Three: Don't give up easy

I often find myself giving up on my goals after very little adversity. If I am trying to eat healthy and I order fries instead of green beans at a restaurant, I'm likely to go home and polish off the rest of the ice cream and maybe a few cookies before bed. If I am trying to avoid thinking about fantasy football and I sign on to check some stats, I'll spend 30 minutes reading articles online instead of just closing the browser. I am a man of extremes. I don't know if that stems from my personality type, genetic makeup, or human nature in general; but I experience peaks and valleys physically, emotionally and spiritually. (It's interesting how often those three intersect one another).

For the past few weeks I feel like I've given up spiritually. I went a day without reading the Bible, instead of just picking it up the next morning I went a few more. I tried to get in the habit of praying a few times a day for a certain length of time. Once I missed a day I gave up entirely. I kept waiting for some cool spiritual event to happen so I could have a worthwhile blog post because despite the fact that to my knowledge there are only 6 of you reading this, your opinions all happen to matter more to me than they should.

Tonight I realized my lack of tenacity after polishing off two bowls of party mix and heading to bed thinking about football once again. I looked at the clock and saw 11:56 and told God I would stop thinking about football in four minutes! What a jerk! Having made this ridiculous vow, I honored it at midnight and promptly realized how out of touch I am with Him. I started worrying about InterVarsity, my spiritual health and my physical health (I'm in the process of trying to train for a half-marathon, which will require me to lose at least 25 pounds). God revealed to me this tendency I have to want to be extreme and then bail out when I falter. On the surface, I know I'm not perfect and can't be and shouldn't aspire to be - this side of heaven. Still, something inside me breaks when I've gotten a "fresh start" in some area of life and I manage to screw it up. Thankfully I was reminded of the Apostle Peter, who called down curses on himself as he denied Jesus over and over - and who the Lord mercifully forgave and reinstated. Even after his fresh start it wasn't too long before Peter again was acting sinfully towards Gentile believers in the presence of Jews. I'm sure that Paul's rebuke in Galatians 2 helped Peter regain his footing. The life of Peter is encouraging to me, a reminder not to give up. The Lord is gracious and kind, to turn from Him after failure is to turn from the only one who can take away the sting and the shame. I hope to remember in the days and years to come that I'm not aiming at a spiritual mountaintop, but that I'm a broken man who needs to be repaired by grace through Christ. During my hospital stay on Earth while Jesus pieces together my jigsawed heart and soul I'm tempted to give up because I am frustrated and ashamed. It's vital for us to remember that the way to defeat our shame and be encouraged in the face of frustration is to never give up our pursuit of Jesus and His Kingdom.